Know Your Colon

Remember “Super Colon Blow”? Perhaps you washed down a bowlful this morning with a tall drink of Metamucil. Indeed, high-fiber foods and the colon go hand-in-hand. The same is true of Grammar Snacks and the colon [:]. If we’re to be regular, well-functioning writers, we must pay special attention to our colon health. And judging by what I’ve seen around the office, we could all do a better job of looking after our colons. Note: Instead of placing the colon in parentheses, I’m putting it in brackets—Microsoft Word automatically converts a parentheses and colon into the dreaded smiley-face emoticon. Remember: the colon [:] serves a much higher purpose than providing the eyes of an emoticon.

While we all know what a colon looks like, let’s do a quick review of the punctuation mark’s functions. The Chicago Manual of Style offers a decent explanation: “A colon introduces an element or a series of elements illustrating or amplifying what has preceded the colon.” (Notice the use of the colon in that sentence?) “Between two independent clauses it functions much like a semicolon, though more strongly emphasizing sequence.” Finally, “The colon may be used instead of a period to introduce a series of related sentences.”

Simple enough, right? Colon trouble typically occurs with capitalization. It seems we don’t know when the first letter of the first word after a colon is uppercase or lowercase. Here’s the rule: capitalize the first word following the colon when it is a proper noun or name, begins a quote, introduces a speech in dialogue or an extract, or sets up two or more sentences. Otherwise, the first letter succeeding a colon is lowercase.

And now, snackers, sink your teeth into these tasty examples of good colon usage:

• Enduring painful abdominal cramps following his morning bowl of Super Colon Blow, Seymour had only one thing on his mind: the nearest bathroom. (Emphasizing sequence)
• To whip up an electrifying batch of homemade methamphetamine, you need the following ingredients: ephedrine, gasoline, ammonia, red phosphorous, acetone, drain cleaner, ether, benzene, battery acid, muriatic acid, toluene (found in brake cleaner), and more. (Series of elements)
• To come back from cancer and return to professional cycling, seven-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong gave it his all: He ate right. He trained hard. And he may or may not have used an illegal blood booster called erythropoietin (EPO). (Capitalization for a series of related sentences)

Bonus Snack

In the “Note” portion of the first paragraph, you’ll notice the first word following the colon after “Note” is capitalized, while the one succeeding the colon after “Remember” is not. Do you know why?

The Preposition Proposition

You didn’t have to attend a religious school to have had the Ten Commandments impressed upon you. Except for maybe a couple, the Commandments offer some useful rules to live by (note the stranded preposition), whether or not you’re religious. There’s not killing, not stealing, not having sex with your hot neighbor while your significant other is working late. Stuff like that. But do you remember the 11^th Commandment? It’s not “Love your neighbor as yourself” (which, come to think of it, sounds like a potential violation of the third commandment mentioned above). No, the 11^th Commandment instructs us not to end a sentence with a preposition.

According to Wikipedia, the Talmud of the Internet, the 11^th Commandment states: “You can write in whatever funky-ass manner you like, but you shall not end a sentence with a preposition. Period. And we mean business.”

So what’s the big deal? Why is it so wrong to close a sentence with a preposition? Oh, I’m sorry; did I say it was wrong? I don’t believe I did. Confused? Good. That’s what I’m here … ahem … for. Brand me a blasphemer, but I’m calling horse manure on this whole never-ever-end-a-sentence-with-a-preposition nonsense.

First of all, let’s identify this “scourge” of English grammar by its proper term: a stranded preposition. A stranded preposition occurs when a word such as at, to, for, from, in, out, of, with, et al., appears after, not before, the word it modifies (at the end of a clause or sentence). In other words, the orphaned preposition has been separated from its object and left to find its way back through a terrifying funhouse of words. Poor little buddy.

Behold examples of the stranded preposition:

• My appalling body odor is something I must deal with.
• Where do Rocky Mountain oysters come from?
• As his brain was severely impaired from a 20-year habit of huffing inhalants, Jerry Lee couldn’t remember all the local gas stations he was banned from.
• By hurling themselves into Boston Harbor, the Tea Party finally gave the American public what it had longed for.

We usually maroon prepositions when using relative clauses, posing a question (a.k.a. wh-fronting, which means moving a wh-word like what, where, or who to the front of a sentence), omitting a word (e.g., I don’t want to [do that]), or employing a phrasal verb (e.g., believe in). In most cases, you can fix a stranded preposition by moving it before the word it modifies (essentially, pre-positioning it) or rearranging the sentence. Here again are those four example sentences, but with a little body modification:

• My appalling body odor is something with which I must deal. (The preposition with modifies the relative pronoun which.)
• From where do Rocky Mountain oysters come? (The preposition from modifies the noun where)
• As his brain was severely impaired from a 20-year habit of huffing inhalants, Jerry Lee couldn’t remember all the local gas stations from which he was banned. (The preposition from modifies the relative pronoun which.)
• By hurling themselves into Boston Harbor, the Tea Party finally gave the American public that for what it had longed. (In this example, the preposition for functions as a particle of the verb longed, constituting a phrasal verb. As a result, tweaking the sentence so that the offending preposition no longer appears at the end creates an awkward construction.)

Simple fixes, right? Sure. But as this Blasphemer™ said above, ending a sentence with (or stranding) a preposition is neither faulty nor improper. My point of view has historical precedence. According to legend, Winston Churchill was once corrected by an overzealous copyeditor for sticking a pesky preposition at the end of sentence. Winnie’s response: “This is the sort of thing up with which I will not put.” His quip illustrates just how stilted, clumsy, obscure, or even pompous a sentence can be made to sound in order to avoid marooning a preposition.

Indeed, prevailing wisdom says it’s perfectly appropriate to strand a preposition (and the list of references below have my back on this). It’s even preferable, given the above examples. So if you find yourself finishing a sentence with a to, for, from, or with, ask yourself, “Is the sentence smooth? Is its meaning clear? Does it sound natural?” Answer yes, yes, and yes, and you’ve seen the light.

So go ahead—forsake your obedience to the 11^th Commandment, end a sentence with a preposition, and join me and grammar nerds everywhere in an exciting life of sin.

References:

• Common Errors in English Usage. Paul Brians (William, James and Company, 2nd Edition, 2008)
• The Grammar Bible. Michael Strumpf and Auriel Douglas (Henry Holt and Company, 2004)
• Guide to Grammar and Style, Jack Lynch, Rutgers University

Thanks for reading. See you next week with more curious morsels of grammar goodness. (OK, that sounds yucky. Sorry.)

Lists. Families have always used them. They help them prioritize, organize, and stay on budget. At one time, lists merely reminded us of what not to forget:

• Mow the lawn
• Pick up the dry cleaning
• T-ball game at 4:00 Saturday

But today, lists are evolving—a mini-revolution unfolding to show mom in control and at the helm.

Most lists begin with household responsibilities. Divided and shared, the chore list publically displays who does what, when. And, mom manages the list—splitting the tasks not only with her spouse, but also with her kids. Generally on display in the kitchen, the chore chart illustrates the dominant role lists play in U.S. households and the way moms utilize lists to ensure the household runs smoothly.

Moms also employ lists to extensively plan—especially when it comes to shopping. Meals outlined, coupons cut, and a detailed shopping list made, modern moms head to the grocery store determined to stay on budget. Many modern moms report that if an item doesn’t make their list, they aren’t going to buy it. And the numbers prove it. Splurge and impulse purchases are on a rapid decline in grocery aisles across the country, dropping more than 20 percent from 2007 to 2009 (Source: IRI, October 2009).

Strict adherence to the “list” extends beyond the grocery store to one other important area: mom’s inclusion of herself. Mom has (finally!) prioritized herself, adding her own name to the list of “things to be taken care of.” This addition might be the most important of all because it shows a definite shift in the family dynamic. Mom readily and willingly sacrifices a lot for her family, but today she recognizes she will be able to do and accomplish more if she is taken care of, too.

And so, a revolution begins—with mom writing the lists and leading the charge.

So what does it all mean? Here’s HL2’s list of things to keep in mind. (Think of it as a jumpstart to your personal list revolution!)

• Motherhood doesn’t define a woman. Communications should speak to moms as the woman she is, not just her status as caretaker. Today’s moms prioritize themselves as women—motherhood is just one facet of the equation.
• Consider targeting a larger audience with household products. With dad and the kids taking a more active role in household responsibilities as a result of the public chore chart, it is likely their role in the purchase of household products will also increase. Get ahead of the curve!
• Get on the shopping list! Whether you represent a necessity or nice-to-have, shopping lists define what purchases are made, and which are avoided. Getting your brand or product on the list will translate to a more streamlined purchase path in store, likely leading to more conversions at the register.

—Tracey Budden, Account Planner

We’re back to satiate even the heftiest grammarian appetite.

This week; The Semi-Misunderstood Semicolon.

I assume most of you know what a semicolon (;) is and where it’s located on the keyboard or touch screen. Most of you also know how it functions in modern-day communications: as the wink in a happy-faced emoticon, right? Yep, Mr. Semicolon is the Captain to Ms. Close Parenthesis’s Tennille. But here’s a little-known fact: the semicolon is actually a punctuation mark that has practical applications in our myriad writings. If that sounds like I’m insulting your intelligence, I’m sorry. It’s just that until he recently found work as one-half (appropriate since the prefix “semi-” means “half”) of the ol’ wink ’n’ smile, the semicolon had long been neglected—even misused.

It’s a story that somewhat mirrors the life of Captain Daryl Dragon. Once a master yachtsman and a helmsman of his own Carnival® cruise ship, the Captain had his life forever altered when his prank-pulling first mate stirred some PCP into his morning coffee. With PCP onboard, the Captain determined he could get to Jamaica faster by steaming his Carnival® cruiser clear through a small Caribbean island occupied by a Sandals® resort instead of going around it. He beached the ship, of course, and had to be forcibly removed from its bridge. (During the melee, the Captain was heard to say, “Don’t tase me, bro!” a full 25 years before it entered the national lexicon.) Later, the Captain emerged from his angel dust-fueled rampage in the empty Sandals® lounge. Drinking Chablis straight from the box, the now-unemployed Captain, well-known for plying more romantic waters with a few tickles of the ivories, stumbled over to the vacant piano to console himself with a melody.

Arriving early to knock back a few Tropical Breeze® daiquiris prior to her nightly torture fest of torch songs in the Sandals® lounge (where sandals aren’t allowed after 6 p.m.), singer Toni Tennille heard the Captain pounding out a rough but delightfully saccharine melody—the very one that would soon crystallize into the song “Love Will Keep Us Together.” And that is when Capt. Dragon and Toni Tennille consummated pop music’s greatest union as Captain and Tennille.

Unlike the Captain, however, the semicolon prefers not to be a lounge act with the close parenthesis; he simply wants to punctuate sentences—nothing more. But before we can grant him his wish, we must remind ourselves of the semicolon’s proper use. Let the following rules and their corresponding examples guide you.

Use a semicolon to join two independent clauses not joined by a coordinating conjunction. Further, from the Associated Press Stylebook: “…use the semicolon [within a sentence] to indicate a greater separation of thought and information than a comma can convey but less than the separation that a period implies.” For example:

On account of the idiotic yachting hat he always wore while banging on the piano, Daryl Dragon drew the nickname “Captain Keyboard” from the Beach Boys’ Mike Love; because of his penchant for drinking rum excessively and vomiting on women as he serenaded them with “I Get Around,” Mike Love got the nickname “Captain Morgan” from Daryl Dragon.

Besides joining two independent clauses, the semicolon also comes in handy within a sentence containing phrases with other internal punctuation, such as commas. For example:

The Captain shipwrecked his music career following an incident on the Santa Monica Pier involving Alka-Seltzer®, bread, and an unruly audience of seagulls. His career is survived by his wife, Toni Tennille of Long Beach, Calif.; son, Captain Jr. of Daytona Beach, Fla.; drinking buddy, Mike Love of Malibu, Calif.; 341 dorky yachtsman hats; AM radio; and millions of discarded LP records polluting America’s landfills, thrift stores, and rummage sales.

At last, Grammar Snacks!

Welcome to Grammar Snacks, bite-size morsels of delicious grammar goodness served up semimonthly for your edification and amusement. Join us every fortnight as we dish up tips for correcting common errors in grammar and word usage, defects in style, and anything related to the way we write—all of which comes with a large side of humor (what, you didn’t think English grammar could be funny?). In this era of texts, tweets, emoticons, and bullet points, we must not overlook writing well for the sake of haste and brevity.

This week’s snack: Affect vs. Effect

When I was a child, my parents ceased thinking of my brother and me (me, not I, mind you) as two separate beings. I don’t know if it was out of exasperation, confusion or efficiency, but they fused us into the conjoined identity of “the boys.” No longer Joe and Pat, we were “the boys” (e.g., “Boys, get in here!” “Boys, go outside!” “Boys, come to dinner, NOW!”). For the rest of our childhood and well into adulthood, we were one and the same—or at the very least mistaken for the other (even though we were two years apart and I was better looking). You can imagine that neither of us was happy with the arrangement—it was bad enough we had to share a room. We knew the distinction and we often engaged our fists to differentiate ourselves from one another.

You probably know where this missive is headed. When it comes to writing, we regularly group words together that have even less reason associating with one another than two unhappy brothers. This week, we explore two words who want nothing more than to be understood on their own terms, and we’re going to separate them as best we can. This miserable duo is affect and effect.

If you confuse affect and effect, don’t feel badly. They have a tendency to complicate matters. One of the problems, besides the obvious similar spellings, is that they both function as nouns and verbs—though one is more commonly used as a verb and the other, a noun.

Most common uses of affect/effect:

Affect is a verb meaning to “influence,” “produce an effect” and less commonly to “make a show of,” “feign” or “impress.” Did you catch that first part—“produce an effect”? That’s right; when you affect something, you cause an effect. Effect is a noun meaning “what is produced by a cause,” “a result,” “a consequence of an action.”

Less-common uses of affect/effect:

As I said above, affect can be a noun and its homophone, effect, a verb. The noun form of affect means “feeling,” “emotion” or “an expressed or observed emotional response” and is generally used by psychiatrists and social scientists—or so I read. Meanwhile, effect, the verb, means “to create.”

Perhaps the following example will give you a better idea of how affect and effect play together in the context of a sentence.

In an effort to effect (verb) change in this country, President Obama has proposed sweeping healthcare reforms; the effects (noun) of which will affect (verb) millions of Americans and perhaps leave some with a happy affect (noun).

Learn to use affect and effect properly and you’ll do a lot more than make yourself look smart. You’ll give two similar words the gift of their own identities.

Change. It’s all around us.

We open our favorite browser and are asked to upgrade to a new version (with the promise of making our lives simpler and more productive). We walk into a store to buy our tried and true detergent only to find it’s been “improved” to create whiter-whites (though my current whites seem to be white enough.) We read the headlines that inform us Uzbekistan has been divided into three additional countries, all ending in “stan.” And we go to our jobs to find that what we did yesterday must be reengineered to be relevant for tomorrow.

Change. Twenty four, seven.

Herodotus said, “The only constant is change.” From a business perspective, this is absolute truth. In an increasingly competitive landscape, companies that are able to remain nimble and manage change appropriately will leave their slower-moving counterparts behind. Battle cries of “embrace change!” and “change or die!” would then certainly be embraced by an organization, right? On the surface, the answer is of course a resounding “yes!” There’s just one small problem with that train of thought: most human beings are averse to change and, in fact, will avoid it whenever possible.

So then how does a business embrace change in order to remain competitive when the majority of its staff probably view change with at best a weary eye, and in some cases downright fear? Unfortunately, there is no simple answer, but the first hurdle is to understand that change must be actively managed like any other process. With all processes, people are the crucial ingredient. How people are dealt with through all phases of the change is a key factor of success. A statistic that is often quoted states that 80 percent of all change efforts, regardless of their purpose, fail. A major factor for that failure rate is that the “people stuff” is downright hard. To quote an article from ChangingMinds.org, “People do not (always) do what they are told. They are not motivated just by money. If you are to change what they do on the outside, then you must also work hard at changing what they do in the inside.” To illustrate this point, think of the Vietnam War. We had the right idea: win the hearts and minds of the people and they will follow along. The problem was, as a helicopter was dropping this message of goodwill via leaflets on one village, jet fighters were dropping napalm on another.

I have a Chinese proverb pinned to my wall that reads: “Tell me and I’ll forget, show me and I may remember, involve me and I’ll understand.”

Managing change is a difficult and complex process, and each change scenario that is to be implemented has its own unique rulebook. Remembering a few rules with a healthy dose of common sense and empathy will help your organization work through change with a greater chance for success.

Here are some things to think about while planning for change.

Understand the people.

Understanding the needs of the people and their personal concerns should be an important factor. Psychology will play a role. Determine who the stakeholders will be and anticipate how they will behave. How will the staff react when told? And will they push back? Anticipating these behaviors and having a plan will help the process from stalling. Addressing these concerns will also alleviate the “Vietnam effect” as mentioned above. If people believe in the change, they will be more likely to adapt and transition more quickly.

Understand the task: the three “Ws.”

Change for change’s sake is hard to sell. Understanding not only why the change needs to occur (business need) but also what needs to change (the roadmap) and who will be affected is critical. The process is a three-legged stool. Remove a leg and you’ve got problems.

Create a roadmap.

As observed by ChangingMinds.org, “It is surprising how many change efforts are done with inadequate planning, and with consequent problems during implementation.” It’s a common mistake for companies to think about change for months without creating an actual plan, and then to think that once the switch is flipped everyone will effortlessly follow along. Change should be thought of as a process, not an event. In doing so, people, teams, and whole systems can have time to adjust to the new way of thinking, doing, or operating.

Create a period of calm.

Constant change in an organization can be as damaging as becoming complacent and refusing to change. Most individuals will take on change and adapt to the new “way,” but the process is generally not easy. Therefore, it’s vital to create periods of calm once new systems and processes are accepted and running smoothly. Given the fact that change can sometimes be constant, creating these calm periods can be challenging, if not impossible—but even waiting a few months before taking on a new change scenario can alleviate future problems.

Change is inevitable. To survive and thrive in today’s marketplace, it’s critical that organizations embrace change, as well as understand the complexities required for implementing the envisioned outcome. Change can be easy and seemingly effortless, but often times it’s a difficult and arduous task. As mentioned earlier, there is no rulebook for implementing change throughout an organization, as every scenario is unique. But with vision, planning, patience, and a dose of empathy, your organization can be successful—and be ready for the next challenge that’s just around the bend.

—Ross West
Senior Vice President, Creative